That’s where I am currently, wondering. It’s that time of year again with my eyes. I’ve spent the last two or three birthdays with my doctor getting injections. This year my birthday is over the weekend which means I won’t be in the office! Woot! I go in tomorrow to see what’s what, though, Around Christmas the paranoia sets in pretty good and I wonder if I’m really experiencing new problems with my eyes or if it’s in my head.
The blind spot that’s taken the central vision in my left eye is doubled the size it was. Used to when standing on my porch facing a neighbor’s house I would close my good eye, leaving my bad eye open, and their two story house would completely disappear. Now? It’s not just their house that disappears, it’s their driveway and the house behind them. It’s frustrating in more ways than one.
I walked outside one day last week with an unlit cigarette in my mouth, as I often do. I didn’t realize how close to the door frame on my left I was and broke the cig when I an into said doorway. Makes me a bit more jumpy when my peripheral vision lessens. You can walk up to me and speak and make me jump a foot. If you’re on my left side.
I still think I’m seeing something with my good eye, too, but I wonder if it’s a permanent thing, some bit of leftover fuzzy that didn’t go completely away last September. I dunno. I know I’m on the chemo pills and the idea is for them to replace all the eye injections, drops, everything! But. I want the injections tomorrow. I’m paranoid and a little scared and I KNOW they work. I’m still not sure the chemo pills do anything but make me tired. Oh, and open an invitation for every conceivable stomach bug. My chemo doc says that shouldn’t be happening, that the dosage I’m on is considered a maintenance dose and shouldn’t make me tired or sick.
Does, though.
I’ve been trying to force a positive outlook to keep the paranoia and the embarrassing tears away. Who cries for no reason, when they don’t know for sure something is happening? Me, that’s who. Got me again last night. Will be glad to go see my doctor tomorrow. I think there’s been enough time for him to see it if something is really there to see. My last visit, six weeks ago, it was just starting, if it’s there at all, and it takes a few weeks for them to be able to see it.
Feels like I’m sitting on pins and needles, the wait. Ugh.